Marriage & Money: Part 1

Hey everyone! It’s Kaimey here today, Scott’s wife. In honor of Valentine’s Day, we thought we’d do a fun two-part series this week on Marriage and Money. So I’m taking over the blog today to get started!

Being married to a financial advisor has its perks. Namely, I don’t have to do anything revolving around the dollars that come in and out of our home. Bills? Saving? Investing? Tracking? Taxes? Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. And nope. Spending? OK, so I do take care of that one, and I’m killing it, if I do say so myself. Giving? Yes, I love that one too. Basically I do the fun stuff and he does the actual nuts and bolts.

We tend to agree on most things in our marriage, financial approaches included. If we feel like we’re overspending in certain areas (eating out, anyone?) we typically agree and decide together to cut back. Or when making decisions, Scott is always gracious to ask for my opinion so we make the decisions together, even though we both know he knows what’s best. I appreciate his intention to include me because I like for everything to be transparent and a team effort. Not just in money matters, but every aspect of our marriage. I like to know it’s all out there in the open and we’re on the same page, or at least working toward it. We don’t typically roll solo on much.

So it came as a surprise to me when Scott presented a particular idea one day. An idea that I hated. I’ll give you my version of the story today. And Scott can give you his in part two.

Several years ago, Scott came home from work and announced he was talking with a friend at work and wanted to try something with our finances that worked well for his friend. He was excited about it, I could tell. So I’m all ears. Here’s the idea:

Scott: So I think that we should open two “fun money” accounts, one for me and one for you. We can put an amount, maybe $25-$50 in each account every month. And it would be money that we each can do whatever we want with. No questions asked, just buy anything or do anything we want for ourselves. Nobody else gets to veto or say anything about what we use the money on. We can save and let it build if we want to spend it on something pricier, or we can spend the amount each month. What do you think?

Now, at first glance this sounds awesome. Neither of us spend a lot of money on ourselves because, well, kids. So it was attractive to have some money designated just for me. Designated for fun. Splurge on new clothes? Concerts? Massages? The possibilities seemed endless.

But in my heart I couldn’t get passed a road block. It felt different from everything else in our marriage. It felt kind of secretive. And like we were currently holding each other back. What do you want to buy that I’d be so against? Why can’t we just talk about it if there’s something we want to spend money on, and figure out a way to make it happen? It felt like there was a part of life he wanted me out of, and I didn’t like cracking that door open. Granted, I generally had no problem already spending money on things I wanted, within reason. So I didn’t see a need for a whole new system.

I know lots of couples have fun money accounts. And I see the appeal and know it can work well. But it just didn’t feel like us. So I was against it. It lead to a “discussion” on some broader issues. And I felt like there was a better way forward.

I’ll let Scott pick it up here later this week so he can give his side of the argument. And you can see who won. Spoiler alert: We both did.