The Power of Not Knowing
When Hudson was about four years old we stumbled onto a National Geographic’s TV show on lions in Africa. After watching for several minutes, we learned a lioness in the show was pregnant. The cub appeared in the pack a few moments later, and I explained, “See! That’s her new baby who came out of her tummy!”
Hudson innocently responded with, “But how did the baby get in her tummy?”
A thousand words that I wasn’t prepared to speak flashed through my mind in that instant. I landed on, “Umm, I don’t really know.” And that was that. Surprisingly acceptable.
Saying “I don’t know” can hold extreme value in simply acknowledging life’s mysteries we don’t have figured out (or in this case aren’t ready for). We live in a culture that values certainty and demands answers to all facets of life’s questions. Why did that person betray me? How did I allow that to happen? When will this get better?
But a lot of times in life, it comes down to “I don’t know.”
And “I don’t know” can be the catalyst that provides the next step. The new direction. The next thing to figure out.
When my mother-in-law was flying back from Italy several years ago, she was stuck in a backed up travel fiasco of cancelled flights, unhappy travelers, and language barriers trying to get home. She befriended a young man because he could speak both Italian and some English and was helpful in translating the information coming from the airline staff.
After a staff member had explained a wealth of information in Italian, the young man turned to my mother-in-law and said, “OK, they say to come back tomorrow morning, and they will help us get on a flight then.” She irritatingly asked, “Well what about our luggage we checked?” The young man excitedly replied, “I don’t know that too!”
We say “I don’t know that too” in our family often now. We love it. There’s something about it that validates the question and unites people in agreement around the unknown.
“Mom, where are my shoes?”
“I don’t know that too!”
“What’s for dinner?”
“I don’t know that too!”
“When will I be allowed to…?”
“I don’t know that too.”
And really, there’s just not much more to say. Now it just has to be figured out.
I have a client who came to me because he was dissatisfied with his current financial advisor. The client had asked the advisor a simple question about 529 plans. His advisor didn’t know the answer. But instead of just saying “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” he made up an answer full of mis-information and stated it as fact. Luckily my (now) client has enough financial savvy to know the information wasn’t correct. And it ended up breaking his trust and led him to look for another advisor.
There’s no harm in admitting you don’t know something. But commit to figuring it out. That’s more respectable than spouting off information to try and make it sound like you know what you’re doing.
Nobody is an expert on everything. You could hire the most educated, highest recommended, most experienced financial advisor out there, and there would still be complicated issues he or she won’t be familiar with.
I know a lot about the intricacies within Social Security, but if you have a government pension or previous marriages, things can get complicated quickly, and I know when to ask an expert.
I know a lot about student loans, and if you need to refinance, I know the best ways to do it. But I also know there are some wrong ways to do it that can disqualify you from loan forgiveness in the future. I know there’s more to it than the straight-forward answers.
In the financial world, I love navigating all types of issues and questions with my clients. And as my father-in-law says, “One of my greatest strengths is that I know my weaknesses.” I’m OK with what I am not familiar with and am committed to figuring it out and learning along the way.
I’m coming to respect “I don’t know” a lot more in life. Too many things in the world are bigger than we can understand. And that’s OK. I like knowing what else I still get to learn.
If you have questions you are working through with your finances, and find yourself saying “I don’t know” a lot, reach out to me. That’s what I do! I love finance, and I love to teach it to people looking for answers. And if you have a question I’m not 100% sure on the answer, I’ll be upfront and honest. I’ll tell you I don’t know, but I’ll find the answer.
