Marriage & Money: Part 2

Thanks to my wife, Kaimey for kicking us off this week! If you missed Part 1, go back and read it to get caught up!

First of all, let me clear up some things from Kaimey’s story. Since I’m the primary money person in the house, there are minor issues that I take care of without bothering her. Like paying the bills, switching to a cheaper cell phone plan, changing bank accounts for our savings, etc.  

In this situation, after my conversation on the (amazing) idea of having fun money accounts, I just went ahead and opened the accounts and set up the auto deposits. Oops. The first time Kaimey and I had a conversation about it was when I gave her the debit card associated with her new account. I mean, what a great husband! I just gave her a debit card and said “here’s some money that you can spend on anything you want!” At least in my head that is how the conversation was going to go.

Imagine my surprise when Kaimey was against the idea. The fact that I had already done it probably didn’t help my case. Maybe she blocked that part out for her retelling of the story.

So here’s my defense. I have a problem with money. Most people’s money problem is they have a hard time saving money and no problem spending money. I’m the opposite. As a pretty simple guy, I don’t really have a lot of “things” I want. Plus, I’ll contemplate for months or years over purchases on “non-essential” items. My Apple Watch that I love and use every day? I pondered that decision for over two years before buying one. Do I really need it? I’ll be fine without it. I don’t have to conform to our culture. But it would be really nice.

I’m currently two years into my decision on whether or not I should buy some AirPods. I listen to podcasts all the time. And seemingly every time I am using earbuds while doing yard work, I’ll catch the cord on something and they get ripped out of my ears. But I feel guilty spending $159 on myself.

It’s not just Apple products. I’ve been wearing the same pair of boots for years. But it just doesn’t feel right to buy new ones. I would much rather spend the money on Kaimey and our kids. As the provider for my family, I know there are better uses that benefit the people I take care of, and in the end, that’s more important to me.

So it’s not that I was trying to keep something from her. I don’t want that either. I was just trying to find a way for me to give myself permission to spend money on myself every once in awhile, without my self-imposed guilt. So when my friend told me how he and his wife have these fun money accounts that can be funded slowly and then spent on anything, I was sold!

However, as wives are sometimes good at doing, Kaimey showed me the error of my ways. I tell clients all the time that money decisions are emotional decisions. Should I sell that stock that I inherited from my parents? Well financially I would say yes, but emotionally I would say no. If it has sentimental value, let’s keep it. Or at least some of it.

When I set up our fun money accounts I failed to account for the emotional impact that Kaimey described.

Through our discussion on the why, I was able to describe to Kaimey my intention. She encouraged me to lighten up (which she does often) and take a little personal advantage of how hard I work. I had just gotten a bonus at work, so after tithing and saving, I had planned to distribute it into our intentional spending accounts (plus these new awesome separate fun money accounts!). But Kaimey persuaded me to spend it on myself this time.

I don’t think this is what she had in mind, but the next day I met her for lunch while test driving a new truck! Which I bought that afternoon. See? Win/win. I closed the fun money accounts because Kaimey wasn’t comfortable with it, and I ended up with something (too expensive) I’d been wanting.

Just because I’m a financial advisor doesn’t mean that I don’t fall for financial temptations every now and then. Or struggle with the wheres and hows to spend money. It’s a universal issue whether we pay attention to it or not.

With many of the money decisions that come up in marriage, there may not be a clear best-solution. But the key is that you need to have the conversation as a couple and be on the same page.

As a financial advisor, a lot of what I do is like counseling. Helping people talk through their current hang-ups and find a way forward that works better. Like it or not, money is a big aspect of marriage. If you and your spouse need some help getting on the same page and figuring things out together, I’d love to help you!